By Paul Stanner
Recently at the urging of my good friend Cmdr. Granny Susan Steffen - Kraft the leader of that vile evil nefarious insipid , according to the Libs , domestic terror group The Raging Granny Menace , the owner of the Facebook Group " Government Bytes " and author of the blog The Granny Channel to get involved in my government I've begun calling my Congresspeople to voice my opinions on the issues of the day. My most recent effort in that regard is chronicled in this article.
The picture below is of Cmdr . Granny Susan leading her group in battle.
Recently at the urging of my good friend Cmdr. Granny Susan Steffen - Kraft the leader of that vile evil nefarious insipid , according to the Libs , domestic terror group The Raging Granny Menace , the owner of the Facebook Group " Government Bytes " and author of the blog The Granny Channel to get involved in my government I've begun calling my Congresspeople to voice my opinions on the issues of the day. My most recent effort in that regard is chronicled in this article.
The picture below is of Cmdr . Granny Susan leading her group in battle.
Speaking With My Congresspeople : " A Highly Offended Irishman "
" Good morning Sir this is Rep. / Sen. Shall Remain Nameless To Protect The Perpetually Intellectually Challenged's office how may we help you today." " Good morning my name is Paul Stanner and I'm from Boise , Idaho. I'd like to speak to you about a highly offensive cultural problem that has me extremely vexed today." " Please Continue Sir " " I'd like to make Sen. / Rep. Shall Remain Nameless aware that as an Irish - American I am highly offended by that stupid leprechaun logo of the Boston Celtics. I feel that it portrays Irish people in a very stereotypically negative light. Will Sen. / Rep. Shall Remain Nameless support revoking the Boston Celtics trademark protection for that logo as was done against the Washington Redskins because The Native Americans were offended? " STUNNED silence greets my question. lol " Are you there . " Yes Sir we are. Sen. / Rep. Shall Remain Nameless has no position on that issue Sir but I will certainly speak to him about it. " " I'm pleased to hear that. While you're discussing this issue with him would you please mention that all of my friends in The Audobon Society and PETA are extremely offended by the names and logos of the Atlanta Falcons , Baltimore Ravens , Seattle Seahawks , Boston Bruins , San Jose Sharks , Phoenix Coyotes and St.Louis Rams among others. My Native American friends are vexed about the names / logos of The Cleveland Indians, Atlanta Braves , Golden State Warriors and Chicago Blackhawks. My friends in the Wiccan and Druid communities are hugely offended by the negative stereotypes portrayed in the names and logos of The New Jersey Devils and New Orleans Saints which disturb them greatly. He also needs to be advised that The Minnesota Vikings name and logo portrays Vikings in a negative light. I'd hate for Sen. / Rep. Shall Remain Nameless to lose that all important Viking vote. There must be 200 - 300 Vikings in the country. The way things are going today that vote could swing an election.My friends in the Criminal Community are increasingly agitated as to how the names and logos of The Buffalo Bandits , Denver Outlaws . Pittsburgh Pirates , Portland Pirates , Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Calgary Roughnecks portray their citizens. Do you really want to agitate this demographic Sir? " Yes yes I know that all of you are shocked that I have friends in Congress." I've also recently been informed by my constitution loving rule of law supporting friends in The TEA Party movement that they are incredulous that any professional sports team in America would be allowed to proclaim a Monarchial cultural statement in our Representative Republic as the Los Angeles Kings and Sacramento Kings do.You should make Sen. / Rep. Shall Remain Nameless aware that these folks are extremely offended by this. In the wake of what happened to Rep. Cantor I think he needs to tread lightly with these folks. OH WAIT !!! Scratch the last one. Nobody gives a damn how offended the TEA Party folks get. MY BAD !! Lastly Sir I've recently come to understand that The New England Patriots name and logo must go. We all know how extremely offended the Liberals get at any public display of American Patriotism. Consider the havoc the Libs could wreak on the country if unduly provoked Ma'am." STUNNED SILENCE greets my remarks. lol " Are you there Ma'am " Yes Sir " Do you understand what I'm saying and what I wish Sen. / Rep. Shall Remain Nameless to do Sir " " Yes Sir. You'd like The Boston Celtics and all the other offending names to be changed and their trademark rights revoked. " I called ten Sens. / Reps. and seven of the ten answered with this answer or slight derivations of it. My reply to them as regards their answer was an emphatic " NO !!! I want our government to stop wasting it's time and our money with this stupidity. We have more important issues to deal with such as a U.S. Marine in a Mexican prison for three months for making a wrong turn , a Jihadi Army currently on the march to conquer Iraq , five terrorists released from GITMO in exchange for a probable American Army deserter and Islamic sympathizer , the IRS scandal , the Benghazi scandal and the V.A. scandal. NOW do you get my point? " Yes Sir. I can assure you that we'll make Sen. / Rep. Shall Remain Nameless aware of the issues you raise." Color me skeptical as to whether they'll actually do that.
Kudos to Senators Crapo of Idaho and Lee of Utah and Representative Steve Stockman of Texas for hiring staff that both understood the issue I raised and the satirical way I presented that issue. Their staffs represented them well. They were highly professional and damn funny. You ladies out there will be pleased to know that two out of three of those staffers were very intelligent and damn funny Ladies. Tell me again Libs about The Republican / Conservative War On Women. To the trenches Ladies there is a war to be won !!!
Kudos to Senators Crapo of Idaho and Lee of Utah and Representative Steve Stockman of Texas for hiring staff that both understood the issue I raised and the satirical way I presented that issue. Their staffs represented them well. They were highly professional and damn funny. You ladies out there will be pleased to know that two out of three of those staffers were very intelligent and damn funny Ladies. Tell me again Libs about The Republican / Conservative War On Women. To the trenches Ladies there is a war to be won !!!
In closing it's said that one picture is worth a thousand words. The picture below conveys my feelings about Liberals and our government to the T.
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