BREAKING NEWS !! BREAKING NEWS !!
Cracker New Broadcasting Corp. - The OTHER CNBC
Dateline : Boston , Ma. Jan 20 , 2013
CNBC sources have uncovered yet another Obama Administration cover - up . According to our sources there was a terrorist attack at Logan Airport in Boston , Massachusetts Thanksgiving Eve.
As my regular readers will remember on Nov.12 , 2012 " Big Sis " issued a terror alert for Minnesota regarding a highly skilled team of terrorists enroute to Minneapolis , Mn. The Pervert Patrols were put on HIGH alert to stop these terrorists and had been anxiously trying to find them before they reeked havoc on America. Thanksgiving Eve they struck.
The terrorist team mingled with the holiday crowds for about one hour without arousing the suspicion of anybody. How they were able to change into their uniforms and weapons in full view of everybody without arousing suspicion is certainly going to be cause for somebody's head to role. At 5:00 P.M. they STRUCK !!! Armed with only a string of pearls and a smile they stormed The Pervert Patrols waving their flag and shouting their slogans. The Pervert Patrols ran for their lounges in abject horror screaming " Oh my God we're under attack by Sweden. Somebody call " Big Sis " !!"
Needless to say the patrons of the airport were quite stunned by this -- " Sweden ? Why the Hell are the Swedes attacking us? Haven't we apologized to them already. Why are they naked ? " Once the terrorists made certain that The Pervert Patrols were securely locked in their lounges they broke out their Swedish coffee and apple cake and invited their American cousins to sit and chat a while. FINALLY the Americans realized what was going on and broke into a standing ovation for these " terrorists " . After chatting for an hour it was time for the Hockey HitGrannies to board their flight to Minnesota. They were escorted onto their plane by the Captain and crew like the conquering heroines they were. By this time it had occured to a member of The Pervert Patrols that perhaps Washington needed to be notified since nobody seemed to give a damn about their plight. Tearing himself away from the cable porn in the lounge he finally figured out how to use the pay phone and called " Big Sis ". " B.S. " Was NOT amused by The Hockey HitGrannies. She called The Usurper In Chief for instructions. As usual when there is trouble in America he was not available. Our sources inform us that he was in Western Pennsylvania at a turkey farm where he was conducting the World
Apology Tour by apologizing profusely to the local community for the hundreds of years of Avian Genocide committed by Americans of Caucasian European descent. Yes yes you and I know that Pennsylvania is part of America but seriously guys can you expect a Kenyan to know that? It's not his fault that he doesn't realize it's one of the 57 states. We're told that the Gobbler Nation were singularly unimpressed as are the inhabitants of most nations that have met him.
During all the confusion while waiting for Washington to make a decision the flight crews of all departing flights and the control tower personnel being of sound mind and possessing great common sense saw to it that all passengers were seated WITHOUT being sexually molested and that all flights left on time and arrived on time. Meanwhile back at the World Apology Tour , Avian Genocide stop the Usurper In Chief's teleprompter malfunctioned so a message could not be gotten to him. The decision fell to The Joint Chiefs of Staff. The Joint Chiefs being military men and knowing a serious threat when they saw one did the only thing they could do. They dispatched 4 F 16's to escort the Hockey HitGrannies to Minneapolis. The pilots of these F 16's having been appraised of the situation and having great senses of humor added a nice little touch of their own. They attached the Swedish flag to their planes and gave a nice tip of the wings to the Hockey HitGrannies. You gotta love those Jet Jockeys !! lol God bless the U.S. Air Force. Yes yes I know that was an editorial comment. Now you've been reading this blog long enough to KNOW one was coming sooner or later. All other flights that left Boston were guaranteed clear skies by the U.S.A.F.
Upon arrival in Minneapolis The Hockey HitGrannies were greeted by thousands of cheering Americans waving the Swedish flag and were given a police escort to their hotels. The local hotel managers being smart business people welcomed the Grannies with open arms and endorsement contracts. Commercials are in the works. There is no mold growing on these Grannies. lol The local Minnesota Swedish population is understandably thrilled with The Hockey HitGrannies. Tomorrow they are scheduled to have a meeting with the Governor of Minnesota. They and their Grandsons hockey teams will be the guests of the Minnesota Wild. The N.H.L. is reported to be interested in doing some promotional work with the Grannies and has guaranteed the Grannies 8 games in Sweden next season. I'm sure the Grannies can look forward to many more lucrative proposals coming their way.
What a great Thanksgiving Holiday week-end it turned out to be courtesy of nineteen new American heroines from Sweden. " Big Sis " " The Usurper In Chief and The Pervert Patrols got punked by 19 Blue Haired Naked Swedish Granny " terrorists " wearing nothing but a string of pearls and armed with just a smile , and great charm and wit and all Americans made it home to their families on time WITHOUT being sexually molested and in good humor.
God Bless the Swedish Hockey HitGrannies!! CNBC suggests that in honor of the Swedish Hockey HitGrannies we all fly the Swedish flag until the Grannies go home to Sweden next week. Would anybody like to bet that The Pervert Patrols just wave them right through on their flight home? lol
Flour to the Crackers , Cookies and Pretzels !! We SHALL bake !!!
Now go spread your crumbs around !!!